Trying to survive

I know i whine and complain about how my life is boring and how i never seem to get anything i ever wanted. And i also realised that all i do is complain and i never seem to be taking the next step into bettering my life... i m sick and tired of playing the helpless victim, so it's time i take the next step, change for the better... i need to set my priorities straight and make my life the life i have always imagined and dreamed of...i just dunno where to start...

i hate the drama in my family, my mum's family... there are a couple of people that are a bunch of spoilt suckers, literally suckers...they use u and then they throw u away like you are last year's fashion... i m hurt, disappointed, angered and annoyed by the accusations they have made against me... they will never see the dawn of light and will probably realise their mistake when it's too late... I am too ashamed for these people to even explain the accusation...She shd be ashamed and she shd learn from her bloody mistake, but she probably never will... anyways, i m glad that amidst this lot, there is a couple of good souls... it kinda balances out the evil in my family... well one good soul is slaving his way at tekong... i m glad i got to meet u again prasad!!! *hugs tightly* dun worry everything will be over before u know it and we will both hopefully be away from all the drama and the gossip... Despite the annoying remarks and ur weird comments... U will always be my bro, my best fren and my bitchin kaki... As for all the other idiots.... *throws hands up in the air* I GIVE UP...

Screaming for change

Grab me by my nape and throw me into another world... Please do...

babble on

The problem with me is that i always tend to jump to conclusions all the time... but i suppose that can't be helped cos it's an in bred thing... anyways am sitting here in office, doing nuthin except well blogging if that does count as work... i have decided that i will always, from now onwards have a positive outlook on life, No, not that i have never had it but i m just gonna be more Ms Sunshine... So prepare to be bombarded with huge grins and cheesy lines like, "Everything happens for a reason"... well for those of u read my blog and got really worried about the garbage i was writing.. forget about it... I am Indian, i m always melodramatic, i m like an Indian multiplied a million times... i m a little (maybe a lot more) dramatic than the average Indian... Talking about Indians, Deepavali is just around the corner, it's the festival i look forward to the most and least... it's quite fun in a way, establishin new relationships with ur relatives and dissin people's dressing sense, making fun of the weirdos, gossipping about the other relatives... wow...sounds fun to me... a holiday filled with gossip, fattening food and fake people (some of them are, then again i kinda can't recognise the real anymore... ) HAPPY DEEPAVALI EVERYONE!!!

I told u so...

yes my frens, it's over even before it begins... i have become really good at this, i tell u... it's over even before it begun... n well i got to move on with life... Nothin good happens u know? I shd be the poster child for failed relationships, wait a minute i am... but then again is it considered a relationship even before it begins? I told myself i wasn't expecting anythin but i really, truly did... and i was worng on my part to do so... So yar, it's my fault... and yar i will probably live with it for the rest of my life...

I wanna shut myself in the darkest hole and weep till i lose my breath and choke on my tears... i need someone to tell me it's ok, i need someone to hold my hand and walk with me down this familiar lonely, dreaded path that has grew so fond of me... I can't continue... i am stopping now...

when things aren't how they seem to be

it's really weird... i mean i have always thought this person was just like everyone, someone who was pretty much normal finished his secondary school education with much stupor and just moved on in life with a dead end governemnt job... i have always thought this person would be kind of stupid, i must say i have judged the poor guy wrongly, i mean beneath the humble and mundane exterior lies well, a briliant man, someone sensitive, philosophical, poetic and hurt... it scares me to think that he might be the one i was looking for all this while because he is exactly like me... and that's what is so endearing about him... So i will just have to wait and see where the journey begins and how it will end or will it end up like all my previous never begun but was doomed to fail relationships? Well i m not hoping for anything or expecting anything, just going to sit down, relax and enjoy the ride... or the show, whichever comes first...

monday madness

It's a hot, sweaty sweltering day... The weather is absolutely repulsive... I am sitting here in the office working relatively hard today, cos i actually assumed there won't be much work but i was wrong... Lotsa calling up to do cos my entire team n the 7 contestants have left to india yesterday on board indian Airlines for, i would like to say a remarkable experience... while i am stuck here in a dingy office in an almost red light area... but then agian i dun think i shd complain much beocs there are other people out there who are less fortunate and worst off than me... Meeting my babes, the usuals amelia, karol n karin for dinner... And after that i am going to buy myself and my mum some very nice bedsheets, get my new specs(YES after 4 years and weird remarks, i m changing my specs, but actually the new specs looks almost the same lar) and then goign to rush home andwatch tv... Got America's Next Top model... wow... i am trying to save up money but at the same time i realise i m spending alot but i am not buying anything useful... anyways, my humble Panasonic X-66 is on the verge of death, dunno whether shd repair it or just change it but this month's financial report tells me that i have absolutely not much to play with and with deepavali around the corner it means more spending...Dammit... i hate the idea of giving hongbaos to all the dumb spoilt brats that some of my relatives have... this year for all those kids i dun like, i m going to switch their hong baos with maggot filled yellow casings... har... now let's see what u can do about that... i need to go shopping and update my wardrobe which currently looks like a warzone... and even the clothes in it look like they came from the world war 2 era... All's fine, not much to write about actually... i m just looking out for more legal ways to earn more money... my face feels like an oil field... and the silence in the office is deafening... but yet soothing in a way... I think i can get used to this...

Humming you are beautiful - James Blunt, and reason - Hoobastank

i want an ipod (I do know it's kinda overrated) but i can't afford it so as loser as this might sound, i hum the song i like in my head during my train rides or bus rides.... and sometimes i take it too far and forget i m in a public place and hum a note really loudly... although this does bring embarrassment, i find it amusing how people act normal and think i m weird... I KNOW that there are a group of hummers out there, SO hummers of the world unite!!!!

okie... well nuthin much going on... can't wait to leave the country and start anew... life is pretty much the same, oh and i have become more loser than ever... i really wanna go watch the tamil version of american idol... but the tickets are all sold out... sigh... if i had not been high nad mighty in the beginning... all my fault... i really wanna watch vasantham star... sigh... anyway, i am thinking of packing my bags and going on a solo holiday by myself.... i m tired of asking everyone to join me when everyone prettty much has their own lives and their boyfrens dun wanna let them go... i am such a friendly person (i wd like to think so, and ravi tells me i can even have a conversation with a rock) so i m bound to make good frens, hopefully hot sexy frens that will be more than frens... no i m not desperate and not kinky, just bored... need something exciting in my life... Give me excitement of some kind... i dun even mind rollercoasters or being held hostage... just some kind of exciting experience... but i really dun wanan get killed in the process, so maybe the hostage situation is out... anyways, houston we have a problem, a boring problem...